


Kiss Me, Kill Me

by reversedhymnal (Hymn)



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003)
Genre: First Kiss, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-05-25
Updated: 2007-05-25
Packaged: 2020-04-08 03:33:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19098916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hymn/pseuds/reversedhymnal
Summary: And then Edward opened his mouth, and ground out the most phenomenal thing Roy thought he would ever hear the Hero of the People say.Edward said, "Kiss me."





	Kiss Me, Kill Me

**Author's Note:**

> unedited since orig post date yada yada I'M REALLY SORRY FOR THIS??

Edward banged the door open like always, kicked it back closed like it'd done him a personal affront, just like always, and stomped straight up to Roy's desk, just like always.

And then Edward opened his mouth, and ground out the most phenomenal thing Roy thought he would ever hear the Hero of the People say.

Edward said, " _Kiss me_."

It would have been funny how quickly Roy looked up at that if it weren't for the fact that he was probably going to have a crick in his neck and that there was _nothing even remotely funny_ about this situation.

"Absolutely not."

Roy sat back in his chair, and struggled to get his expression back under control. He pressed a hand flat down on his desk and clenched a chair arm with the other, and gazed on the display of Edward Elric with horror.

Edward, golden and beautiful and flushed with what seemed almost equal parts embarrassment and anger, slammed his fists onto Roy's desk - upsetting forgotten piles of not at all innocent paper work while he was at it - and leaned forward. Roy's chair creaked as he leaned back in response.

"What the fuck do you mean, 'absolutely not,'" Edward snapped, his voice rising mockingly as he repeated Roy's phrasing. "Just fucking kiss me, would you? Even a shit for brains colonel like you should be able to manage _that_."

Roy stared in abject, horrified fascination as Edward screwed his bright gold eyes tightly closed, and puckered up his lips like he'd just eaten something sour, obviously waiting for his kiss.

"Fullmetal-" he began, and Edward immediately snapped out of it. He snarled, "Well why the fuck not? You kiss just about every other fucking thing, don't you? You shit for brains. It's just a measly kiss, what's the big ass deal?"

For a moment, Roy just sat in silence, and then he quite cleverly pointed out, "If it's not a big deal, then why-"

"Oh, shove it," Edward grumbled, "I knew you'd ask me that." He huffed, and Roy spread his hands with an enigmatic smile, hoping he'd found his out. He was starting to sweat, and he'd just had his suit dry-cleaned.

"Well," Roy said with as much poise as possible. "I certainly can't kiss you if I don't know why I should be kissing you, Fullmetal." He paused, and then added deliberately, "Of course, this is _a completely moot point_ , as I cannot frate-"

"Fucking fine, damn it, I'll tell you! Jeez, you don't have to drag it out of me!"

"...What?"

Edward shrugged uncomfortably, and said in a mumbled rush, "Look, so I got bored on the train back and we saw this couple kissing and I asked Al what the big deal was - I mean, gross, ick, tongues and saliva and that _cannot_ by hygienic, I mean really - and he said for me not to worry about it, that I'd understand when I was older."

An indignant Edward was a beautiful thing to behold, really. It paced, it gesticulated, and it pounced on imaginary points. Roy watched it, faintly hypnotized, and nearly forgetting that he was supposed to be finding a way out of this situation. The flump of even more papers hitting the floor woke him up, and he frowned with a start, eyeing the exit - damn Edward for being so distracting, anyway.

Then Fullmetal pinned Roy with those golden, nearly unblinking eyes of his, and Roy froze, just about to slip out his chair sneakily. _Damn_ , he thought. How was he supposed to sneak out, now? Edward was oblivious, but not _that_ oblivious.

"And just where," the teenager said dangerously, "do you think you're going?"

"I...think I hear Hawkeye calling me?"

"Not a chance," Edward said flatly. "I mean, really! _Al_ said that! Al! I'm the big brother, damn it!" With a huff, and no more pomp or circumstance, Edward reached right over the desk, glowering death at Roy the entire time.

"Ah- Fullmetal, no- Ack, unhand me!"

Between gritted teeth, Edward hissed, "Not one single bit of smart ass commentary, got it?" and then, without waiting for an answer, he kissed Roy.

It was awkward, it was clumsy, and it was quite obviously a teenager's first kiss. And thus, after Roy got over the first few seconds of spell-bound shock and horror, he slipped right into a mind frame of _well, may as well get something out of it if they're going to hang me anyway_ , and proceeded to show Edward the proper way to kiss someone.


End file.
